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The Ripple Effect - Jay Horita

Jul. 9th, 2007

01:26 pm - The Ripple Effect

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Each year in my adventure through life, I stumble on an average of two guys I'm interested in enough to be a hopeless romantic. Normally, I'm forgetful, quiet, and safe, but when these guys come along, they throw some stones into the placid waters and I become a rippling mess of highs and lows. My whole thought process turns to them, and I remember even the smallest details about them without struggle. I talk more fluidly and, if it reaches a certain level, I feel invincible enough to take risks.

But it seems every time I get to the peak, the ultimate force of reality takes control and I get pulled down to even below the baseline. Circumstance, timing, and other external forces all contribute to this reality, causing me to feel depression or this sort of yearning.

As time moves forward, the ripple goes through this rebounding cycle that diminishes in amplitude with every cycle. Eventually, it recedes into infinity, but even though the most obvious reprecussions vanish, there still are small vibrations that will exist for long time after.

I was at the apex this weekend. Even though I knew the rebound was inevitably going to come as a result of the temporality of this guy's position, it still hit me hard because I was just too late. :(


[User Picture]
Date:July 9th, 2007 11:02 pm (UTC)
Sometimes, life just sucks. You might find some cheer in my friend Rob's LJ: his entry today was especially entertaining (eye candy!). I enjoy his LJ because in addition to his great pictures, he's got lots of wonderful and very stable gay couples (and single gays) commenting and being funny. I always feel that there's hope for the romantics in the world - no matter what persuasion - after I read some of the things he shares and his readers share. You'd like Rob - add him to your circle of friends. http://ruralrob.livejournal.com/478094.html Enjoy the studs - I did! And you can scroll back to his marvelous Pride parade photos.

Thinking of you often and fondly, as usual.
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[User Picture]
Date:July 10th, 2007 08:30 am (UTC)
(Sorry, had to rewrite because of some very bad grammatical errors. :) Not that this one is free of errors as well. Hehe )

Thank you for the response. :) Yeah, it's a bummer. It was esp this love interest that made me want to be more proactive in bettering myself.

The problem really stems to my fear of rejection and being vulnerable. With the other interests I had, I never knew how the other person felt -- so my fears were somewhat justifiable. But this time, he made very obvious signs of interest toward me. I still however cowered and never pursued. The day before he moved back to Austria (which was on Saturday), I made a last minute attempt to seek him just to say goodbye -- I knew the general vicinity he lived since I dropped him off at his place before. But luck was not on my side. :(

I mean, I knew it wouldn't have worked out in the end since he was only here for awhile, but almost everything about his personality matched the attributes I seek in boyfriend. It's just making me more frustrated, cause it just seems that all of my mutual interests have been with people not in Seattle. *sigh* I should move to Europe. :)

How's things with you? I haven't been on LiveJournal for a while. :\
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